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You asked me what I wanted. This has been a long term dream that I prefer not telling anybody about because I dint wanna jinx it. But I can't do this if im not even earning enough for myself and my future family.

I can only go as far as I allow myself to, right? You're my soulmate. I'm just truthfully not ready for you right now.

I still have so much to learn on my own. It's a long shot and a tough battle but you inspire me to keep going. You obviously don't wanna talk to me right now coz I'm not hearing back from you.

I am confident in my heart that one day we will find our way back to each other. I'm not worried about that. I don't need you to Looking to date an older fun woman present to be able to see I just have to feel it I know you're for real.

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Something good will happen to you at 1: The me who was nice, considerate, compassionate, and humbly submissive Just like her, the last one to truly interact with the old me. Gone, never to return. So, where does this sexx me?

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Without my desire to worship women, who the fuck am I? Who cares? Not I. Wondering who I am is a waste ,ake time.

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I've seen enough I am done searching for answers in this area. The answers will come, or they will not. It matters little. I have chosen instead to find answers to other questions. What do I want?

How will I get it?

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What obstacles are in cty These questions are more meaningful to me now. I have wasted too much of life worrying over my imagined soul. Fearful of becoming a villain. Trying in vain to instead become a. Useless endeavors both, as neither heroes villains actually exist. No, much better to disregard such small minded woes.

Wices The soul is a pitiful and stupid thing beyond saving seeing as it is a figment of the mind. Better to clearly identify what my desires are and after them with all the effort of my being, regardless of meaningless labels such as or villain, right or wrong.

So, that presents the question again: Where does this leave me? I have been putting forth effort to clearly identify what it is that drives me. What my heart desires. I was shocked to realize that what I want is power. Dominion even.

I want to dominate I will not foolishly claim to have garnered some great wisdom from this realization or to have some right to it's pursuit. I simply do not care anymore. I do not care what the costs are, I do not lament the selling of my "soul", I no longer posses the desire to give of myself unto others. I have played that game. It holds no further interest for me. All my previous life I have resisted the impulse to dominate, I have resisted my very nature. And why?

So that I might be a "good guy"?

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So that I could be thought of as a "catch"? Useless and futile. There is nothing in this world aside from the pursuit of one's desires. All else is fantasy. All else is delusion. I am done pretending to be above my desires.